I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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