Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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