Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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