For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
