I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
