after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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