I wish my penis had an off switch
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
