I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
last night I used snow as a chaser
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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