At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
