no, he came in my armpit
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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