By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
