Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
