You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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