Me too!
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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