oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
bring money and cleavage
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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