I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Even the bartender felt bad for me
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
