Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
