So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I stole a fireplace last night.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
