so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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