My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
