ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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