and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Someone shattered a urinal.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
