need another drink. this is the easiest way
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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