Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
this beer tastes like vomit already
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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