i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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