Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
