Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
