Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
