he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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