So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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