matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
