I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
