a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
