ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
