On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
