All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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