sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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