There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
