y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
