I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
