i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
