So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
