I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
