can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
