That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
How drunk are you?
Completed.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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