Kiss
Puke
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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