What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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