i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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