Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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