i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
