i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
