please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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