that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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